Gigi and I get a real kick out of telling others how to live their lives.  So, we’ve decided to start dedicating Fridays to answering the most pressing lifestyle questions of our friends, frenemies, and readers. Our first question comes from a twenty-something who’s looking for love, but can’t seem to find it.

Dear K.Rae,

I am in my early 20s but have not had a serious relationship. I think I am a smart and hardworking girl seeking the same from a man. Sometimes my friends tell me that I wear too much makeup and it’s obnoxious, but I feel as if I’m just expressing myself. I am a little on the plus side, so I wear mostly black because I’ve heard a monochromatic wardrobe makes you seem thinner.

I have tried online dating, but haven’t found anyone. I’m going into the medical field and would like to meet someone that can take care of me and my habits (preferably a doctor).

Some of my peers are married and buying houses, so I am desperate to start doing the same. Do you have any tips on meeting someone that can fulfill all of my dreams? I won’t be in my early 20s forever.

Sincerely,
May Belline

I googled "tranny eye makeup" and this is what I got.

First off, as a former pre-med idiot, I want to make something very clear: doctors do not make a lot of money.

GASP!!!

I know. Rocks your world, doesn’t it?  While doctors do have the ability to make $150,000+ a year, they’re also paying off massive student loans (in 2007, the average med student graduated almost $140,000 in debt) and working shitty hours.

Second, it’s nice that you would like to meet someone who could take care of you. But it’s really stupid to live your life expecting someone else to show up and take responsibility for you and your actions.  You need to make your own way in the world, support your own lifestyle, and take the blame for your own mistakes.

Here’s what I think you need to do:

1. Stop focusing on the outward, materialistic aspects of a relationship. It’s nice that some of your friends are at the point in their lives where they’re settling down and buying houses.  But you’re never going to be happy focusing on the things that other people have that you want.
2. Focus on the characteristics you want in a future partner. And no, “doctor” does not belong on this list.  Occupation can change.  I’m talking about the things that make you truly compatible with a person, the things that will make life in your Suburban Dream House happy long after the initial sparks of attraction fade away.  The best relationship advice I’ve read recently came from Erin Pavlina, who suggests writing a list of all the attributes you want in a partner, then focusing only on the four most important.
3. Stop the desperation. Right now you need to focus on your life, particularly the things that make you happy and don’t involve a boyfriend.  It’s probably a good idea to quit online dating, at least until you really know what you want in a partner.  This doesn’t mean you should stop going out; you need to keep yourself open to new relationships (with men and women) to learn more about yourself and increase your exposure to the world.  You never know where a new contact might take you.
4. Listen to your friends. If they say your make-up’s obnoxious, then it probably is.  Your friends can provide more insight into what’s pushing people away from you.

What do you think readers?  Agree?  Disagree?

Have your own question you’d like answered by Gigi or myself?  Send it our way.

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